Thursday, August 12, 2010


Z is almost 4 weeks old and I feel like I am barely surviving. The first 2 weeks were so great and easy. Z slept pretty much all the time, and when he was awake he was just so happy and cuddly and barely ever cried. But for some reason, once he started his third week, he just changed personalities. He started crying, not just crying but screaming. And nothing will calm him down, I feel like such a horrible mother when there is nothing I can do and I just want to put him down and leave. I just want a break and I don't get to take one. I can't leave him because if he gets hungry, I'm the only one who can help him. Sigh. Plus Mike feels like he can't calm him as well as I can, so he usually ends up passing him to me. Although he is getting better with not doing that. It's just so overwhelming, I'm so responsible for this child. I can never leave him or just go do whatever I want. I need to constantly think about someone else. It's draining. And he never naps which means I never get a break. He's finally sleeping - it's 4 p.m. and it's his first nap of the day which is a little ridiculous. Most babies sleep every couple of hours - not ours. I love him so much but sometimes I just feel like exploding. But then he sleeps in my arms and I look at his peaceful perfect face and I forget the screaming and I just can't believe he's all mine, forever. And everything is okay.

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