Monday, June 27, 2011

Still struggling...

I love that Canada has a one year maternity leave. It's such a blessing to have this time with Z and not have to worry about finances. However, if I went back to work when Z was 9 months old, I think I would be completely okay with it. Well maybe not completely but he was such a handful at that age (hence the getting kicked out of 2 daycares!) and I really was needing a break from him and was starting to get a little excited about going back to work and being able to dress nice and talk to grown ups again. But now, I don't know anymore. He's just turned into such a happy and content baby. He rarely cries, and usually only if something specific is wrong. I am just enjoying being with him and enjoying watching him grow up into this hilariou little person. He's so close to taking his first steps - I want to be there. He's starting to say "ma-ma" and nothing making me happier than knowing he wants me and loves me. I just really am having a hard time with the idea of leaving him. I know I need to, we can't afford me not working but it's hard. It's really hard.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Power of Words

I think we underestimate the power of words. Words can heal, encourage, empower, devastate, destroy and stay with you forever.
I reconnected with an amazing woman that I knew when I was a teenager; she listened to me, encouraged me and spoke powerful words to me. I wonder if she realizes that a single sentance that she said to me changed my life; I'm going to be overdramatic here and say that her words saved my life. I was telling her my frustration with my Dad and my feelings with our relationship and she told me this "when my early daddy steps out, thats when my heavenly Daddy steps in". That changed my life. That changed and defined my relationship with God. I honestly don't know if I would be following Christ if she hadn't said that to me. I had always struggled with viewing God as a father figure but her words allowed me to view God not the same as an earthly father but instead the Ultimate and Perfect father. It also redefined my relationship with my earthly dad. It made me realize that Dad isn't perfect, he's not God and I don't need to feel as "let down" when he fails because he will fail. And I also failed in my relationship with him. I was not a perfect daughter and he was not a perfect father and thats okay.
And although I look at Mike as being this amazing and perfect Dad to Z, he won't always be perfect. And I hope Z always realizes that God is the Ultimate Daddy and regardless of his emotions and relationship with Mike, God the Daddy will always be there for him.
I hope we can all realize the power of our words and I know that people may not always realize when they say something that forever changes someone else but I think it's important to know it can. My experience was positive but I've also had people say careless things to me that I still remember and are still affected by those words. I want to be like that woman, I want to remembered years later because I positively affected someone and not because I carelessly hurt them.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Things Other Moms Have Taught Me

  • Babies are new at this too - they won't know that you're screwing up

  • A little dirt won't hurt them

  • Make a list of one thing to do every day that once done, you won't have to do tomorrow. Windows, bathroom, etc.

  • Baby can't thrive if Mom isn't thriving, take some time for yourself and don't feel guilty

  • Formula isn't the devil

  • Leave the baby overnight before they're one - it'll be easier for both of you if that big event is done sooner rather than later

  • Sometimes all you can do is laugh

  • Swimming is pretty much the miracle cure, it's fun and they take fantastic naps afterwards!

  • All you really need is a pack of crackers, some wipes and a diaper.

  • It's worth taking the time to put on makeup and real clothes, you'll feel better about yourself and your husband will appreciate the effort

  • Bins in every room makes cleaning up way faster!

  • In the first 6 weeks, don't worry about spoiling them, sleep habits or really anything. Just enjoy them.

  • Don't freak out if they don't do things by the book, no baby ever follows every milestone perfectly

  • You are not alone in whatever crazy thing your child has done - getting kicked out of daycare after 3 hours - you're not the first one to have that happen to...I hope...

Thanks to all the fantastic moms in my life! I appreciate you far more than you realize!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Fathers Day!

Before Z was born, Mike had never held a baby. He had never changed a diaper or even witnessed a diaper change. He had never thought about baby names or how many kids he wanted. He always assumed he would want kids but never really thought about the details; it was just "sometime". Due to a happy oops, that sometime is now. He is a Daddy, and not just a Daddy, he is a wonderful, attentive, loving Daddy. He changes diapers, he blows raspberries, gives baths, he kisses Z goodnight and tells him daily that he is loved. Nothing melts my heart more than seeing Z cuddled up in his daddy's lap listening to a story. Z is loved and that fact will always be known to him. I was head over heels in love with Mike on the day we got married but nothing makes me more attracted to him and more in love with him than watching him play with his son. I knew he would be a great father but I had no idea how great. Thank you Mike. Thank you for being such a great husband and such a wonderful father. We both love you so much and I am so blessed to have you in my life! I love you!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I just got back from the best weekend ever. And it was great timing. I needed a break so badly!
I had found a new dayhome for Z on the same day that I interviewed for a job that I really wanted. I took Z to the day home on Tuesday for the day and it went really well (no phone calls after 3 hours!) and Laura, the day home lady, said Z did just fine. He took a short nap in the morning so was a little grumpy but then took a 2 hour afternoon nap so she felt that he would settle in just fine. So I picked him up feeling very positive and happy about this dayhome. I was hoping to hear back from the job on Wed or Thurs but by the time I picked Z up from the day home on Thursday (his 2nd day) I hadn't heard anything and no news is rarely good news so I was a little anxious about that. And then I picked up Z....and my week went downhill from there. Laura handed me Z and I asked how the day went and she went "well...." and then went on to tell me that he basically cried all day and she wasn't sure it was going to work out and maybe we would be better in a daycare situation where there are more workers and he will never have to be left alone (apparently he screamed bloody murder everytime she had to leave him alone). She said she was willing to try again next week but she just wasn't sure and 'just in case' she gave me all his stuff back if I didn't want to bring him back. I really felt like she was passive-aggresively firing him. She didn't want to say she wouldn't, probably because she was with an agency and thought that would be frowned upon so she was encouraging me to do the leaving. So I took his stuff but didn't commit to whether or not I would bring him the next week, I just said I would call her either way. So that wasn't fun. Then Friday came and went without me hearing anything from the job which was basically me not getting it. They had said they would make a decision on Wednesday and I knew if I hadn't heard by Friday, it wasn't going to be good news. So at this point, it wasn't a good week.
But Saturday was the start of our vacation - our first ever baby-free weekend! Mom & Dad picked Z up early Sat morning and Mike & I headed to Calgary to see my brother & sister-in-law. We talked the whole drive there about life, day homes, jobs and money. It was great to just have that time to talk and be with each other. We decided that we would pull Z from the day home, obviously she didn't really want him and wasn't really to take the time to acclimate him to the new environment. We also decided that although my maternity leave had just ended, we would be okay for a couple months if I wasn't working. So we decided if I didn't get the job I had interviewed for, I would wait until September to look for full time work. Then Z would be a little older and perhaps will adjust to daycare better. We also discussed Mike potentially changing careers, unfortunately youth ministry hasn't been working out right now and the bank just really isn't what he wants to do long term. He is thinking of going into the trades, it's working with his hands which he would enjoy more and to be honest, it pays a lot better. So we are going to investigate some options in that field, possibly electrician, carpenter or plumber.
So our drive was great, very relaxing and we made a lot of plans for our future. We got to Calgary and had a great time with Brian & Suzanne. On Sunday morning we went to the zoo with them and with Joella and Chris, who I've only seen once in the last year. So that was wonderful and a lot of fun. Sunday afternoon we drive to Canmore and just had a wonderful relaxing time. We went to Banff and went for a hike around Lake Louise and went for a mountain drive (we even saw a bear!). And then I heard from the job - I didn't get it but they said they had a maternity leave position opening up in August that they were wondering if i would be willing to be considered for. Which would be perfect. The timing is great and there is no pressure with a one year position. I had to wonder if i was having a hard time finding a job because I am seen as basically another maternity leave waiting to happen. So this would be great! I will know end of July is I have the job so that gives me 2 months to find a dayhome for Z! So that took a lot of stress off my life.
Such a great vacation. And Z did great with my parents - 3 nights away from me and he barely cried. I missed him SO much but it was so nice to get away and now I feel relaxed and rejuvenated!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Some Pics from our vacation

We spent 3 days in beautiful Canmore this weekend! So wonderful & relaxing! more details later...