So today is my last day as a stay at home mom. I'm feeling very sentimental. I'm excited for the prospect of adult conversation, being able to wear nice clothes and feeling like we have money again. But the thought of leaving Z every day with someone else breaks my heart. Z woke up this morning just wanting to cuddle and I felt like he knew! He knew that I was leaving him. That nothing would really be the same after today.
But I know it'll be okay...right? He will still love me and understand that me leaving him with Kirby everyday doesn't mean that i don't love him. It's hard though. I LOVE being with him everyday but I also really am looking forward to going back to work. I'm excited about this job, it seems perfect for me. It's post-secondary, which is really my passion. It sounds busy but interesting. The people seem awesome. I'm so excited. But I got to admit, the excitement is dampered by my fear, my heartache and my struggle with leaving Z. He is my life. I love being there for him day in and day out. I love afternoon cuddles and morning naps and going for walks and being able to just do whatever we want. I love that if Z wants to take 3 naps, he can. If he only wants to take one, we will work with that. If we are feeling like going out to Grandma & Grandpa's, I can just head out there. If my sister needs me to fly to her to help watch her son while she's on bedrest, I can! I'm going to miss being able to just do whatever. But I also know that this year has been a blessing and I need to see it as that, and not view it as something I'm losing, but think of all the bonding and memories I have gained. I can't imagine how hard it would have been for me to have had to go to work when Z was 6 weeks old or 3 months old! I often feel so blessed to live in Canada (minus the weather and the family so far away) and our maternity leave just highlights it for me. So today, I am going to enjoy my son and maybe create some more memories!