giving up control....

I am an emotional wreck.

I blame the kid.

Or my hormones.

Or my husband.

It's not not me though.< /div>

Z has been waking up at 5:15 every morning last week, then miracles of miracles, he woke up at 7:00 a.m. on Monday and I thought it was fixed. But then yesterday, 4:15 a.m. wake up.

So out of exhaustion and desperation, I tried to think what could be causing this. My first thought (and it's something thats been going on for months) is his naps. Z is a sleepy baby, he takes 2 naps a day still and they are often close to 2 hours each. Thats a LONG time. and I know it's more than normal so I was worried his naps were causing him to not sleep as well at night. This has been mentioned in the past to his dayhome but it didn't really go well. She believes in letting kids sleep when they need to sleep and all the kids (there is 3) sleep at the same time so it's been working really well. So when I suggested again that we look at cutting back his naps, she kinda just said no. Which REALLY upset me. I love working but I struggle with giving up the control in my kids life and I really don't want to. We both got a little defensive and although not a lot had been said (we were emailing) we were getting frustrated and I think reading into things so we decided to talk over coffee. I was really upset by this point, Kirby actually hadn't said a lot but I was just feeling like I was getting no say in my childs life and I was feeling like she felt she knew what was best for Z and didn't think I knew what I was talking about.

So I called Mike in tears and just got really emotional and upset. Which makes me sick usually. I only had an hour left in my day and I just left to go to talk to Kirby, I knew I wouldn't get any work done so I might as well leave and deal with this.

Thankfully, Kirby shares my beliefs and is willing to talk things out. We prayed and then had coffee and chatted. We both were taking offence at things that were not meant to be offensive so it was really good to talk. I think the biggest thing for me is that I'm struggling with not having that say in my childs life. I don't want to give up control and it's so hard for me to know that I don't necessarily have final say. Well I do, I can take Z out of the dayhome but I LOVE my dayhome. But I do have to work with her routine if I want him there. And I guess I'm just struggling with that. I want all the control and I can't it.