This is my last couple of days/weeks with Z being my only child. With him being my life and getting 100% of my attention. Of him crying and me immediately being able to get him. Of my lap always being open for him. I'm so excited to add another child into our home. I think siblings are such a blessing, I have three of them and wouldn't trade them for anything but I also am grieving the loss of my only child. I'm so excited to have another baby, to get to snuggle the cute little newborn, to watch excitedly for first smiles and roll-overs and giggles. But I'm also sad that it does mean that Z will struggle with splitting my time, he'll struggle with jealousy and not understanding why mommy can't just come running when he calls anymore. I hate the idea of my precious baby struggling but I also know I can't avoid it. I know in the long run, he'll love his baby brother or sister and I know he'll be thankful hubby and I gave him the gift of a siblings but it's hard. I pray that God gives me the patience and energy to still devote my time to him as well, I pray that God gives him the patience (as much patience as a two year old can have) to wait while I deal with his sibling and I really pray that Z will love and cherish his little brother/sister. I look forward to seeing him in the role of a big brother. I think he'll love helping me out, he just loves to bring me things or to put things away for me. I think he'll be really curious by this new addition, he already is so fascinated by babies when we see them.
I'm so thankful that hubby can take 6 weeks off when baby comes (which will hopefully be VERY soon!!!), I'm hoping that will help Z with the transition. The first six weeks tends to be a time when baby is very attached to the mom and dad can't do as much so I'm hoping we can use that time to allow Z to have some very important Daddy-time.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Officially Full Term
Well I feel gigantic and really uncomfortable but I am in my 37th week - less than 4 weeks until my due date which means I am officially full term. We weren't so sure I'd make it this far so part of me wants to celebrate that but another part of me is just so done with being pregnant. In some ways it's sad, I can't really say I've appreciated this pregnancy since I am just sick & tired of being pregnant and all I want is to have this baby. But I guess that's life and probably what every 9 month pregnant woman feels. Although I think one of the reasons this is so weird for me is that I didn't feel that way with Z. I had the annoying contractions with him but not this bad. I keep getting painfulish (definitely not labour painful) contractions that make me hope it's the beginning and then start far apart (Z's never did that either, I started at 3 mins apart) and then get closer which is also supposedly how labour progresses but once I have them for about 30 mins at 3 mins apart, they just stop. :( I also never felt super huge & uncomfortable with Z, in fact I was always a little sad that I never got to be that huge pregnant lady. Well now I do get to be that huge pregnant lady and I'm not so sure why I was sad last time!
So basically I just want to have this baby. Today.
I shall be doing jumping jacks all morning, I'll update tomorrow to see if it worked.
So basically I just want to have this baby. Today.
I shall be doing jumping jacks all morning, I'll update tomorrow to see if it worked.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Hoping life will settle down
As I typed the title I had to laugh a little. I'm 35 weeks pregnant...life isn't going to settle down any time soon. I am finally feeling better, I was placed on modified bed rest and taken off work at 29 weeks because I have an irritable uterus and it basically just gets pissed off at me if I do too much. Good times. That took several weeks in bed and several trips to the hospital to get under control (hubby doesn't even come with me to the hospital any more, he just drops me off and tells me to text him if I'm having the baby) but it is finally under control and I can move more than to the bathroom without triggering contractions! Of course I still randomly get contractions which means I will probably never actually know whether or not I'm in labour until baby is already here but hey, what's life without some excitement?
But we are moved into our new home! yay! I love it. It's beautiful. There is still so much I want to do with it but it's definitely coming together. It took us a month (mainly because my doctor put me on the modified bed rest the day we took possession of our house - great timing!) but we got Z's room painted and decorated. It looks amazing!
We also finally have 90% of the boxes unpacked and the basement mostly organized. We had a bit of a timeline with that one since my sister is coming tomorrow with her 2 kids to spend a week with me so we really needed to get it liveable down there but it looks great. We bought a sectional and set up the TV downstairs (I'm loving not having a TV on the main level!). We are also in the process of buying new appliances so soon I will be able to do dishes without completely cleaning them first and not having to keep checking the freezer to make sure it still works! :)
The last thing on our "to-do" list (well at least the "to-do soon" list) is the nursery. My sister loves to paint thankfully so she has volunteered to help hubby paint it the week she is here so we picked up the paint and hubby got the room all prepped for painting and hopefully by the end of next week we will be able to move the furniture in (currently the rocking chair is in our living room and the bassinet & dresser is in the master bedroom) which will also really help with decluttering the house! I still need to make sheets for the bassinet (currently they are blue stripes which is fine but since we don't know what we having, I think I'm going to make a star patterned set to match the room) and I need to buy the decal for the wall. But you can't put decals up for at least 3 weeks after you paint so I have some time for that. I thought about making a mobile but we'll see if I get around to that. I also want to buy letters (but that will have to wait for baby to come) to spell out baby's name over the crib.
But things are coming together and I'm finally feeling more settled. Of course the second I finish and start to feel like I have a second to breath - thats when baby will come and life will be crazy again! :)
But we are moved into our new home! yay! I love it. It's beautiful. There is still so much I want to do with it but it's definitely coming together. It took us a month (mainly because my doctor put me on the modified bed rest the day we took possession of our house - great timing!) but we got Z's room painted and decorated. It looks amazing!
We also finally have 90% of the boxes unpacked and the basement mostly organized. We had a bit of a timeline with that one since my sister is coming tomorrow with her 2 kids to spend a week with me so we really needed to get it liveable down there but it looks great. We bought a sectional and set up the TV downstairs (I'm loving not having a TV on the main level!). We are also in the process of buying new appliances so soon I will be able to do dishes without completely cleaning them first and not having to keep checking the freezer to make sure it still works! :)
The last thing on our "to-do" list (well at least the "to-do soon" list) is the nursery. My sister loves to paint thankfully so she has volunteered to help hubby paint it the week she is here so we picked up the paint and hubby got the room all prepped for painting and hopefully by the end of next week we will be able to move the furniture in (currently the rocking chair is in our living room and the bassinet & dresser is in the master bedroom) which will also really help with decluttering the house! I still need to make sheets for the bassinet (currently they are blue stripes which is fine but since we don't know what we having, I think I'm going to make a star patterned set to match the room) and I need to buy the decal for the wall. But you can't put decals up for at least 3 weeks after you paint so I have some time for that. I thought about making a mobile but we'll see if I get around to that. I also want to buy letters (but that will have to wait for baby to come) to spell out baby's name over the crib.
But things are coming together and I'm finally feeling more settled. Of course the second I finish and start to feel like I have a second to breath - thats when baby will come and life will be crazy again! :)
Friday, July 20, 2012
Happy Birthday my son!
My dearest Z,
You are two today. How did that happen? How did you go from two lines on a pregnancy stick to this crazy, loud, kamikaze two year old? You are running, laughing, talking and full of energy. You don't have as many words as I would like, but I also know there will be a time very soon where I will be wishing you had less words! But the words you do have are so precious to me. The other day you were walking out the door with your Daddy to the dayhome and I said I love you to you two and you looked back and said love you. I cried when the door closed. I know you love me. I know you think I'm the best mommy ever but to hear my precious little boy tell me that he loves me is the greatest gift I could ever be given.
You love to sleep, which is a little bit ironic since you never seem to stop moving but I guess you are just so active you crash when you are able to. You still take 3 hour naps every day, sometimes we have to wake you up so you won't go to bed too late. You have your routines, you need us to hold your hand and pray with you. You want your Bible read to you (you ask very loudly for your Bible almost constantly!) and then you need Elmo and your froggie blankets (both of them) and then you quietly drift off to sleep. And then for the first time all day, you are silent and peaceful. I love watching you sleep. I bought a video monitor for your new siblings but I love watching you on it. I might have to buy a second camera unit just so I can keep watching you sleep at night.
You have had a crazy year. I went back to work, going back to work was so hard. I wanted to stay home with you but I also wanted to work. It was a really hard decision but you are the most adaptable kid. I found an amazing dayhome and you have found 3 little boys who have become your best friends. I love going to the dayhome and watching you play with them. I love that you are so good at sharing (usually) and that you have such a love for your friends. I love how it can take us 20 minutes to leave because you need to hug and say bye-bye to everyone before we can leave. In a little over a month, you will be home full-time with me again, and although I do like my job and I was glad I went back to work, I am so excited to be home with you again. My heart was starting to break every time I had to drop you off and I am counting down the days until I never have to do that again. You can be a handful, you have so much energy and you never stop moving, but you are also a cuddler and love to sit in my lap.
I thank God every day for you, you are a blessing to me and Daddy and we love you so much. I look forward to this upcoming year, watching your vocabulary grow and you learn new things. I'm excited to see you become a big brother, I know you will be a great one.
I'm so excited to see what this year brings us! Happy Birthday my love!
Forever and Always,
Your Mommy
You are two today. How did that happen? How did you go from two lines on a pregnancy stick to this crazy, loud, kamikaze two year old? You are running, laughing, talking and full of energy. You don't have as many words as I would like, but I also know there will be a time very soon where I will be wishing you had less words! But the words you do have are so precious to me. The other day you were walking out the door with your Daddy to the dayhome and I said I love you to you two and you looked back and said love you. I cried when the door closed. I know you love me. I know you think I'm the best mommy ever but to hear my precious little boy tell me that he loves me is the greatest gift I could ever be given.
You love to sleep, which is a little bit ironic since you never seem to stop moving but I guess you are just so active you crash when you are able to. You still take 3 hour naps every day, sometimes we have to wake you up so you won't go to bed too late. You have your routines, you need us to hold your hand and pray with you. You want your Bible read to you (you ask very loudly for your Bible almost constantly!) and then you need Elmo and your froggie blankets (both of them) and then you quietly drift off to sleep. And then for the first time all day, you are silent and peaceful. I love watching you sleep. I bought a video monitor for your new siblings but I love watching you on it. I might have to buy a second camera unit just so I can keep watching you sleep at night.
You have had a crazy year. I went back to work, going back to work was so hard. I wanted to stay home with you but I also wanted to work. It was a really hard decision but you are the most adaptable kid. I found an amazing dayhome and you have found 3 little boys who have become your best friends. I love going to the dayhome and watching you play with them. I love that you are so good at sharing (usually) and that you have such a love for your friends. I love how it can take us 20 minutes to leave because you need to hug and say bye-bye to everyone before we can leave. In a little over a month, you will be home full-time with me again, and although I do like my job and I was glad I went back to work, I am so excited to be home with you again. My heart was starting to break every time I had to drop you off and I am counting down the days until I never have to do that again. You can be a handful, you have so much energy and you never stop moving, but you are also a cuddler and love to sit in my lap.
I thank God every day for you, you are a blessing to me and Daddy and we love you so much. I look forward to this upcoming year, watching your vocabulary grow and you learn new things. I'm excited to see you become a big brother, I know you will be a great one.
I'm so excited to see what this year brings us! Happy Birthday my love!
Forever and Always,
Your Mommy
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Holy Busyness Batman!
So in a span of about two weeks we sold our condo, I broke my ankle, we bought a new house, started potty training (going surprisingly well considering how crazy our lives are), and am now attempting to pack the condo while being 6 months pregnant with a broken leg.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Mommy guilt
Someone else is raising my child. Some people might say thats an unfair statement and working parents are still the primary caregivers in their child's life but I figured it out yesterday, excluding night time (since the munchkin is sleeping so I'm really not doing much parenting during that time), I have Z for 34 hours a week. Kirby (my dayhome provider) has him for 45 hours a week. Thats depressing. She has Z for 11 hours longer a week than I do. And a lot of my time with him is occupied with other things. A good hour every day after work is spent around dinner. Then on the weekends, he's sleeping for clost to 3 hours a day. We have church and family functions which take away a lot of our time together.
She is the one who takes him outside to the park, who works on potty training, who hears all the new words coming out of his mouth. She is the one who kisses his owies and cuts up his grapes. She gets the sleepy hugs when he wakes up and the grumpy ones when he's going to bed. I want that. I miss those things. Everyday when I go to work and I look at my desktop background of Z smiling at me, I want to cry. I was SO ready to go back to work and I loved putting on nice clothes and having adult conversation and not wiping bums and struggling to feed a fussy toddler but I'm so done with it now. I want to go back to the bum wiping and food struggles. I want to be able to stay at home with Z and make pictures with him and go for walks and all that fun stuff. I think part of it is that it's summer and there is just so much fun stuff we can do together in the summer, we are so cooped up the winter that we both go a little stir crazy that it was kinda nice that Z could go to the dayhome and have other babies to play with but in the summer, I just want to be with him. I am going on maternity leave in just 3 months, thats not that long. But it's all summer. I'll be leaving end of August which means I might have a couple weeks of nice weather with Z at home but I will be 9 months pregnant and then I'll have a newborn and it won't just be me & Z anymore. And that makes me sad. I want to be home with him right now, when I still have energy and can still go outside and play with him. But it wouldn't make any sense for me to leave my job a couple months before I qualify for a full year of maternity leave. But I want to.
Sigh.
It's been a bad week. I think coming back from vacation and having Z with me that whole time (plus the week before the dayhome was closed due to pink eye so hubby & I took turns staying home with him) was just so nice and reminded me how much fun he is right now. And how much I'm missing. I'm sick of missing these things. I'm sick of not being there. I'm sick of picking Z up, making dinner, doing bathtime and then putting him to bed and feeling like I didn't really get to see my baby all day.
I know I should be blessed that I have a great job, I have a fantastic dayhome and I live in a country that gives me a year paid to stay home on maternity leave. But to be honest, today I'm not feeling very thankful. Just sad.
She is the one who takes him outside to the park, who works on potty training, who hears all the new words coming out of his mouth. She is the one who kisses his owies and cuts up his grapes. She gets the sleepy hugs when he wakes up and the grumpy ones when he's going to bed. I want that. I miss those things. Everyday when I go to work and I look at my desktop background of Z smiling at me, I want to cry. I was SO ready to go back to work and I loved putting on nice clothes and having adult conversation and not wiping bums and struggling to feed a fussy toddler but I'm so done with it now. I want to go back to the bum wiping and food struggles. I want to be able to stay at home with Z and make pictures with him and go for walks and all that fun stuff. I think part of it is that it's summer and there is just so much fun stuff we can do together in the summer, we are so cooped up the winter that we both go a little stir crazy that it was kinda nice that Z could go to the dayhome and have other babies to play with but in the summer, I just want to be with him. I am going on maternity leave in just 3 months, thats not that long. But it's all summer. I'll be leaving end of August which means I might have a couple weeks of nice weather with Z at home but I will be 9 months pregnant and then I'll have a newborn and it won't just be me & Z anymore. And that makes me sad. I want to be home with him right now, when I still have energy and can still go outside and play with him. But it wouldn't make any sense for me to leave my job a couple months before I qualify for a full year of maternity leave. But I want to.
Sigh.
It's been a bad week. I think coming back from vacation and having Z with me that whole time (plus the week before the dayhome was closed due to pink eye so hubby & I took turns staying home with him) was just so nice and reminded me how much fun he is right now. And how much I'm missing. I'm sick of missing these things. I'm sick of not being there. I'm sick of picking Z up, making dinner, doing bathtime and then putting him to bed and feeling like I didn't really get to see my baby all day.
I know I should be blessed that I have a great job, I have a fantastic dayhome and I live in a country that gives me a year paid to stay home on maternity leave. But to be honest, today I'm not feeling very thankful. Just sad.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Traveling with a toddler
Not as scary as I thought. Z is a well-traveled baby. In the last 6 months alone, he has traveled to California, Hawaii and back to Califonia. Considering we don't live in the US, thats pretty impressive. The kid has more stamps on his passport at 22 months than I had at age 18. But I always worry because as he gets older, he gets more active and less willing to sit in my lap. But he has always been a great little traveler. Case in point:
Here are my tips for traveling:
1. Something new, I had made an airplane tray cover which had velcro on it which was pretty much the most exciting thing ever to a toddler
2. Snacks - little fruit snacks that you can doll out on at a time are especially handy when you are taking off and they have to sit still and can't play with the seat tray
3. Books, a new one and then a couple favorites
4. Sticker books - the best kinds are the ones with reusable stickers. I bought mine at the dollar store so the stickers weren't really all the reusable but they don't really stick all that well which means you aren't scraping stickers off the seat trays - plus they stick to the windows which is always fun
5. Anything with buttons, even a calcular is exciting to a 2 year old!
6. Wipes - even if you aren't doing diapers anymore, they are so handy for so many things!
7. Ask for an extra seat, if there are any extra seats, they are usually more than willing to switch things around so the couple traveling with a baby has an extra seat - it makes life so much easier! We've only had it once in our many, many flights where we didn't get an extra seat and that was when we were flying at Christmas.
8. Ask for a seat in the back, by the bathroom. This way you won't get stuck by the refreshment cart when you really need to go (helpful for emergency diaper changes and pregnant moms!)
9. Backpack leash - this might be a little controversial but airports scare me. I'm really not one of those people that think someone is constantly trying to steal my kid but there is something about airports that freak me out, maybe it's that Z is still a lapbaby and even if he's not on our ticket, they let us take him on the plane sometimes. That always makes me feel like someone could grab him and bring him on a plane with them and who knows where they would end up. Anyways, to soothe my paranoid heart, I love our backpack leash. Z doesn't like a stroller and he loves to run and his pregnant waddling mama can't always keep up but at least with the backpack leash, he can run a certain distance away from me but he's still attached to me and can't get too far away from me.
Happy Travels!
Here are my tips for traveling:
1. Something new, I had made an airplane tray cover which had velcro on it which was pretty much the most exciting thing ever to a toddler
2. Snacks - little fruit snacks that you can doll out on at a time are especially handy when you are taking off and they have to sit still and can't play with the seat tray
3. Books, a new one and then a couple favorites
4. Sticker books - the best kinds are the ones with reusable stickers. I bought mine at the dollar store so the stickers weren't really all the reusable but they don't really stick all that well which means you aren't scraping stickers off the seat trays - plus they stick to the windows which is always fun
5. Anything with buttons, even a calcular is exciting to a 2 year old!
6. Wipes - even if you aren't doing diapers anymore, they are so handy for so many things!
7. Ask for an extra seat, if there are any extra seats, they are usually more than willing to switch things around so the couple traveling with a baby has an extra seat - it makes life so much easier! We've only had it once in our many, many flights where we didn't get an extra seat and that was when we were flying at Christmas.
8. Ask for a seat in the back, by the bathroom. This way you won't get stuck by the refreshment cart when you really need to go (helpful for emergency diaper changes and pregnant moms!)
9. Backpack leash - this might be a little controversial but airports scare me. I'm really not one of those people that think someone is constantly trying to steal my kid but there is something about airports that freak me out, maybe it's that Z is still a lapbaby and even if he's not on our ticket, they let us take him on the plane sometimes. That always makes me feel like someone could grab him and bring him on a plane with them and who knows where they would end up. Anyways, to soothe my paranoid heart, I love our backpack leash. Z doesn't like a stroller and he loves to run and his pregnant waddling mama can't always keep up but at least with the backpack leash, he can run a certain distance away from me but he's still attached to me and can't get too far away from me.
Happy Travels!
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